Choose the correct answer for each of the following.
1. The color that best represents happiness is:
a. Red
b. Green
c. Pink
d. Blue
e. Happiness is a figment of our imagination.
2. If you're on a train that leaves Ann Arbor at 2:13pm traveling at an average of 62mph, where should you get dinner when you get to Chicago?
a. Capital Grille
b. Gino's East
c. Ed Debevic's
d. Charlie Trotters
e. Subway
3. What is the sound of one hand clapping?
a. It's sort of like leaves rustling in the wind
b. A quiet snapping sound
c. Fingernails on a chalkboard
d. Depends on the size of the hand
e. Trick question: the person clapping doesn't have hands
4. What is Ouagadougou?
a. A type of onion grown in South America
b. The name of Rudyard Kipling's third dog
c. An international Art Fair held in Burkina Faso
d. The sacred text of the Hopi Indians
e. A word you say after drinking too much tequila
5. How now, brown cow?
a. To get to the other side
b. Because I said so
c. Howdy Doody
d. Let's go cow-tipping
e. 9 out of 10 cows hate cheeseburgers
Please put your pencil down. This quiz is worth 75% of your final grade.
Mr. Chompers
(a.k.a. Scout)
"Instead of having answers on a math test, they should just call them impressions, and if you got a different impression, so what, can't we all be brothers?"
-Jack Handey
Dear Jenson,
ReplyDeleteI was going to submit my answers to your quiz but I know you've been surveilling me and already know what I was thinking. Thank god we don't have to waste time!
You really captured the lunacy of this whole situation and I will give you a dollar if you have your students take this quiz.
OMG I llllllove your blog! can't you hear my one good hand clapping? Not with 16 bit audio (CD quality) you can't!
ReplyDeleteI also adore Jack Handy, I used to get all tremulous when the New Yorker came and they had one of his bits in it, I believe I may have to scan some pages and post them in my blog.
I would offer a dollar as Farrah did, but my adoration should be enough....
On the subject of online testing, what a joke! Certainly there are fraudulent degrees out there, and I've heard that a woman I knew (but thought she was crazy) paid people to take exams & write papers for her at RIT, but I can't figure out how that's possible if the teacher knows the students at all.
Most amazing post ever. Ever. I laughed a lot, and I read it to my fiance. AND I think the point it expresses is spot on. I mean come on, if you're going to be that anal (pun intended) about your students taking online tests.... don't have an online class. It's so incredibly unrealistic to have online examinations and expect students to behave like they're in a regular proctored exam. But then again, cheating is common there too. Like Julia said in class, the best way to address this in my opinion is, let them use their materials, and give them a time limit. Not an anal cam. No one wants that. No one.
ReplyDeleteJen! Omg! Hilarious. Here are my answers:
ReplyDelete1. B
2. E
3. D
4. E
5. E
My favorite thing about multiple choice tests? You don't have to justify your answers! Hahahaha!!
Jen, I want to thank you on Kristin's behalf, as she and I get to take a sliver of credit for your brilliance here because it was our assignment that led to such creativity (it's kind of like being Mozart's chiropodist--or at least how I imagine it would be).
ReplyDeleteAnyway...thanks for making us look good ;-)